zero tolerance
All of my life I have been a person who is naturally against alcohol. Not really because of any specific thing, it just seemed like people who drank alcohol tended to not get much else done in their lives... This was my teenage, Black-and-white view on the world (It would change, of course, as I grew older)
And being drunk seemed like a real uninteresting experience to me (Why would anyone choose to throw up and have splitting headaches?).
Recently, though, I have come to the conclusion that I am afraid of alcohol. And that wasn't acceptable to me.
So, I have taken to drinking a beer with the guys next door when we watch movies or go to the ramen shop down the street.
One beer every two weeks or so.
But recently, I thought about having a beer at night, at home, by myself.
Maia suggested that I shouldn't have beers unless I'm with the guys. And she seemed a little worried when she said it...
So a couple of nights ago I'm standing at the convinience store and I'm looking at the beers and thinking "Gee, I really kinda want a beer." Not with the guys... just me. I was going to go home at watch a movie and drink a beer and just exist...
That was it.
I'm just too compulsive a personality. Its too easy for me to slip into this pattern... No.
Alcohol just isn't right for me. It's just not. Okay, so maybe I'm being afraid... but standing at the convinience store and thinking about a beer for no reason at all except to have a beer... yes, I realized right there and then that I could throw my life away with that one beer.
Dramatic? Melodramatic? Maybe... but really, should I risk it? I can't control my weight yet. It took 15 years to control martial arts. I just recently realized just how addicted to Television I was... I'm a person who falls for these traps. It's why I never even so much as took a puff off of a cigarette; I have always known, deep in my heart, that I'll fall for it.
I don't know, I need to make a call on this one, and I'm thinking the call I made at 12 years of age just wasn't a bad one (Even if it was built on an underwise thought process).
Japan has a zero tolerance policy on drinking and driving. Something this culture respects to an almost militant degree (It's the quickest way for me to get out of drinking at enkai parties; tell them I'm driving and not a drop gets near you. They even watch to make sure you don't get anything but tea). Maybe zero tolerance, which is what I have lived on all of my life, isn't such a bad policy.
Okay, so perhaps people who drink are not all losers (I figured that one out a long time ago), but I just have this feeling that should I start drinking, I would be a loser... and I simply don't have time for that.
Too much to do.
I'm not afraid of alcohol, I'm afraid of me and alcohol. Is that an acceptable fear, or do I have to face it?
posted by Aabh @ 11:27 PM
3 Comments:
A very intersting and wise posting. I would say that you are making the right decision, and for the right reasons.
If you see the gapping abyss before you, choosing another way is probably a good idea.
From your comments, that seems to be your thoughts here. Having known you for... err... fingers... toes... 19 years... I think you have the right idea for you.
This also seems a much more enlightened attitude (as you referred to yourself). It's not about alcohol or other people and alcohol, it's about YOU and alcohol. And that's all up to you.
~James
P.S. Being mostly non-drinking for most of my life (for different reasons), I've just started having a few things now and again. It's interesting.
Guy, just as I've convinced myself that you and I are just waaaaay too different, you say something that makes me go "wait a minute, I actually agree with him!" ;-)
Went through the same thing during medical school. Had never really drank much other than the occasional thing here and there. Then it seemed like everyone in med school would be drinking and getting drunk (never got drunk, but always enjoyed my one or two drinks...and always walked home). It was the day when I was alone in my apartment and I've noticed that I was reaching for a drink for the third night in a row "just because" that I realized that this could easily become a problem for me. So I stopped drinking, period. It was a good decision for me at the time.
Since, I've married a person who has never and will never drink (and I actually believe that...he has too much alcoholism/addiction problems in his family, so he has seen how easily alcohol can destroy people). I never drank until maybe a year ago when I would allow myself a quarter glass of wine or a drink when going out. I've made rules for myself though, and I'm ok with respecting them. No more than one drink a week, never by myself, never if I'm driving or might need to drive. Heck, I rarely even drink when I'm in town because, even though it's not my night on-call, there is always the possibility that I may be called back and need to help out with a big trauma or something.
Do what works for you. Alcohol is by no means all evil. In fact, medically speaking, wine has been shown to have some good influence on your cholesterol level (but not beer, that's just pure carbs). Thing is, if you think about it, communism is by no means all evil either, heck it has the potential of being a great thing in the right hands. And that's what I think James is pointing out to you: it's not about the "concept", it's about the "user".
And for all the differences between us, I'm glad that we have some common traits too...including our chubby cheeks! :-)
-- Mal.
You're not the only one I know who's anti-alcohol, so don't feel any stigma for making the choice you have. If you don't want it, good for you, and fine with me. :-)
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